J.D. Power, Zagat and Joe Perry

Alright, we all keep hearing about “J.D. Power and Associates” rankings for customer satisfaction and the “Zagat Guide” for restaurants, but what does it all mean?  Really, ‘tastes great’ or ‘less filling’?  I’m all for surveys and such, but unless there’s some extreme measure (either really good or extremely bad), then virtually all these survey results are essentially useless.  That is, in MOST cases, no one cares.

Let’s say, for example, you use a certain bank.  They’re alright, as banks go, but the bank across the street gets the prestigious “J.D. Power and Associates” award.  Are you going to switch banks?  Probably not.  Do you care?  Definitely not.  So, what’s the point?  The point is that companies are in the grip of ratings based on customer satisfaction because they believe the perception of quality is probably more important than real quality.  If you have a good product, customers will find you.  Think Metallica; no radio airplay, but they’d built up tons of fans before Lars put his bass drum foot in his mouth and destroyed Napster when Napster was the best thing to hit computers and then their replacement bass player left and came whining back but they said, “F you” and they got some guy from Ozzy’s band, but it didn’t really matter because they pretty much suck now anyway, but James Hetfield is and always will be cool even if his band isn’t so great any longer and why do they keep that guitarist when he plays such average riffs and what IS up with his hair?  But I digress…

Unfortunately J.D. Power doesn’t publish “worst” lists, like the worst banks, the worst FIOS providers, etc…, which makes them non-essential in my book.  Without crap there can be no gold.

The Zagat guide is another joke.  ”Zagat” is basically a married couple that eats out a lot and they got the idea to rate restaurants.  Now they’re a company, but all they offer is their own opinions, which are as valid as yours or mine.  Why anyone would put stock in this is bizarre.

I want to set up a company to rate the ratings companies.

In other news, I’m SO happy Joe Perry finally decided to speak up and endorse McCain for President.  I don’t know how we survived all these years without political commentary from a has-been guitarist in a band that’s sucked since they got off drugs.  Rock stars are so lame.  Aerosmith used to be so excellent in the 70′s, then they broke up (probably because Joe Perry was a Republican and/or because they started to suck) only to get back together and cash in on completely mediocre songs and become embarrassing parodies of rock stars gone to excess.  Ugh.  They haven’t written a decent song in 25 years.

The Moral of the story is: form your own opinion, or adopt mine and you’ll be cool.  Screw J.D. Power and Zagat and Joe Perry and Metallica.  While I’m at it, add Van Halen 2008 to the list and belikemichael, too.