Silly Shoppers, “Percent Off Regular Price” Means Nothing

I’ve always maintained that “regular price” means nothing when it comes to shopping.  To say, “I bought this at 50% off regular price” is pointless unless you can actually verify that “regular price” is what something normally sells for elsewhere.  There’s a big scam that’s been going on since the dinosaur age about artificially inflating prices and then having a “percent off” sale, which just brings the prices back down to normal.  Silly, clueless shoppers think they get a deal, but they’re really just getting screwed.

Case in point: SANTA got my kids a small set of percussion instruments.  Sometime around December 10th, Amazon.com had the item listed for $7.99, with the regular price being $9.99 (“You Save 20%”).  I figured an $8 set which included kid sized: tambourine, maracas, cymbals, clacker and a solid triangle is a great deal, so I…uh, Santa, purchased it.  Christmas comes, kids open it, love it and we’re all making beautiful music together.

So everybody’s happy, ne c’est pas?… Mais NON!!!  Right after christmas, my wife gets an email from Amazon listing this exact same product at $15.99, with a claimed regular price of $19.99 (“You Save 25%”)!!!!!!  I must stress that this is the identical product on Amazon — the same reviews and everything.  Clearly Amazon is just f’ing with you.  Who among us can actually verify “Regular Prices”?  Unless you’ve got access to wholesale pricing, the answer is: very few of us.  BUT, we do love a bargain.

Now you can shop at Amazon and get an additional 5% discount at twice the price!!

Let The Buyer Beware (“caveat emptor” as pretentious guys who know a little Latin and/or Mike Brady, Architect, may say).

 

Presents Are The ‘Reason For The Season’

I got an xmas card the other day from someone and the envelope had stamped ‘the reason for the season’ on it somewhere.  It made me wonder about how the true meaning of christmas really is in the giving, whether it be gifts or something else.  Alright, hold off CHRISTIANAZIS one moment, I’m not trashing the whole jesus thing, but let’s look at this realistically, since, after all, the Beatles are STILL more popular than jesus.

Christmas without a trip to church is, well, just another christmas, right?  I mean, you’ll survive and you can still do whatever observance you want in your own time and it can’t be diminished because you didn’t trek to some church at midnight.  BUT, in contrast, christmas without presents would totally suck and you’re likely to remember it the rest of your life.  Let’s be real, aside from unfortunate economic circumstances (which truly is unfortunate and sad), everyone gives and gets gifts for christmas and that’s really what it’s all about.  Of course christmas is commercialized and all that, but, DUH, it’s only because all us idiots buy into it.  The ‘true’ meaning of christmas is completely lost and maybe that’s the way it should be since if it were a stronger meaning, then it would still prevail.  Ask anybody to describe christmas or their best christmas memories and they’re very likely to mention the gifts they got or gave or, even better, the year a friend or family member or friend ‘came home’.

This brings up the whole church thing and, of course, church goers are going to cry ‘foul’, but realistically, going to church has very much become some automatic action that is absent of any feeling.  You see the same people, hear the same gossip, hear the same lame songs and hear that same priest drone on and on using the same biblical passages year after year.  Pretty boring and routine, huh?

I don’t know, I’m all for the giving and especially the charitable aspects of the season.  One of my best memories of christmas does actually have to do with midnight mass; I’ll never forget the year my Mom said I don’t have to go (I think I was 12 and I haven’t been back since and haven’t missed “glo-o-o-o-o-o o-o-o-o-o o-o-o-o-o ria” one freakin’ bit).  Now, without the schlepping off to hear some guy ramble on and on about some fantastic stories, I’ve actually come to enjoy the season.  Add my kids to the equation and it’s become a blast.

OK…now the christianazis can have at me via comments.

That said, “Happy Christmas to All and to All a Good Night”.

Best Christmas Songs, EVER

I hate (read: HATE) christmas songs by sucky singers that cash in by destroying the well-known melody of better known christmas songs so much that it makes me wanna smack that Creed singer multiple times, not that one needs a reason to smack that testicle.  So, in retaliation for the years of audible abuse on my poor ears, it is my sincere hope that my faithful readers (read: readER) will finally put that Sting CD in the shredder and hit iTunes for a download of some truly great christmas music.  

And… the songs I truly canNOT stand are: that stupid Adam Sandler song, ‘Grandma got run over by a reindeer’ and pretty much anything by Sting or Mariah Carey and virtually ALL of the christmas standards.  You may as well throw in that lame Paul McCartney song, too, since he used to be capable of so much more and his christmas song is pretty freakin’ lame.

Now that the whining’s out of the way, here’s my list of some songs (in no particular order) that make my Decembers more christmassy:

• John Lennon/Joko Ono – Happy Xmas (War Is Over)
  Overplayed, yes, but most of Lennon’s solo stuff sucks, so this is a welcome standout
• The Shitbirds – Christmas Is A-Comin’
  Nice little ditty from a great girl-punk-garage-fun band that I wish recorded much more than they did
• The Who – Christmas (From ‘Tommy’ film soundtrack, no other version rates)
  The 1976(?) film soundtrack has some of the best versions of Who songs; their album versions are far too sterile and Pete Townshend is a pedophile.
• Waitresses – Christmas Wrapping
  I vow to one day memorize all the lyrics and not just: “you mean you forgot cranberries, too?”
• Pogues – Fairtytale of New York
  My current favorite Xmas song; it’s sad Kirsty MacColl’s not here to enjoy it with us
• Billy Squier – Christmas Is The Time To Say ‘I Love You’
  The first GREAT christmas rock song
• Jill Sobule – Xmas Song
  Someone’s gotta be a pessimist, and it helps if one has a sense of humour.  Not a great song, but I like it.
  
• Pretenders – 2000 Miles
  OK, the “…is very far” lyric is just plain stupid, but Chrissie’s voice is good 
• Kate Bush – December Will Be Magic Again
  One of her best recordings from her early days, when there were MANY great songs
• Nat King Cole – The Christmas Song
  I wish they would just rename this ‘Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire’; a rare traditional classic I’m not sick of
• Band Aid – Do They Know It’s Christmas?
  Midge Ure (of the incredible band Ultravox) never seemed to get the credit he deserved for writing and putting together this ultimate song

December will be magic again.  (Thanks, Kate)